Believe in Yourself
Why is Confidence So Important Self-esteem is how we view ourselves, our own value, and our sense of worthiness. It is a critical component of our decision making, risk-taking, and motivation.
Those with lower self-esteem tend to believe they are not as worthy of things as others, such as achieving their personal goals. While those with higher self-esteem embody more resiliency to overcome obstacles because they are sure they are worth the desirable outcome.
Think of one thing you hold a lot of value in. Maybe it’s gardening, for example. You will make sure to put in the energy to keep your garden well-watered and weeded. You may even exert extra effort into researching the plants you’re growing to ensure they are in the best growing conditions. That’s similar to self-esteem, except that it is yourself that you care for, rather than the garden.
Healthy self-esteem or value in oneself breeds confidence. (Confidence is defined as, “a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities.”) Do you see where I am going with this?
A lack of self-confidence keeps us from living our lives to the fullest! We become afraid to freely express ourselves, contribute our ideas, and even share our talents.
Benefits of becoming more confident include: -More happiness and enjoyment -Less self-doubt and limitations -Gained strength in capabilities -Freedom from fear and anxiety -Reduction in stress -Natural motivation -Great (and more attainable) success Interested in how to make this shift happen?
Stay tuned!
How Do You Talk to Yourself? Yep, you read that right. How DO you talk to yourself? Are you harsh and judgmental or supporting and loving?
We all talk to ourselves, sometimes even out loud. There are two distinguishable modes of talking to ourselves: instructional, like working through a task, and motivational, such as “I can do this!” This motivational self-talk is closely related to our confidence levels and what we believe we are capable of.
The faculty of Physical Education and Sports Sciences at the University of Tehran in Iran conducted a study of how motivational self talk improved basketball abilities. Over 150 students were involved, and the results concluded that positive self-talk and a “can-do” attitude improved their speed and accuracy immensely versus the control group.
Believing and telling yourself you are capable of a task, even a physical one, contributes to you excelling in it! Isn’t that remarkable?
Don’t Believe Any of This What happens when you don’t talk so nicely to yourself?
Talking negatively to yourself can have different outcomes, but all have a common theme- It is not productive. Negative self-talk can be fueled by a number of things. Some non-productive outcomes include: -Irrational beliefs about yourself -A bad mood that isn’t addressed -Persistent pessimism -Being overly critical -Fear and anxiety. These are all very real things that most of us experience, but the trick is stopping them in their tracks. If we do not reinforce our negative beliefs, they have no power over us!
Some examples of common examples of negative self-talk: -I’m not worth it -There’s no use -I can’t do it -People won’t like me -I am not enough -Others are better than me -My opinions don’t matter -Nothing ever goes right -I must be perfect Do NOT believe these things! They are WRONG. Up next, I will be sharing some examples of what to tell yourself instead.
The Power of Positivity Our minds are powerful machines! The thoughts we produce can translate into action, and that is how we truly achieve greatness. However, if we are filling our minds with negative comments about ourselves and our circumstances, we are creating boundaries for ourselves that we otherwise would not need to overcome. (Think of your mind as a computer. You must program it for efficiency to run smoothly and complete its task.) Your mind is the same way!
So instead of the negative self-talk examples, I listed before, try these instead:
-I can handle this -I’m making progress -I am in control of this -I am willing to try -I will eventually get it
-I have many likable qualities -I do not need to compare myself to others -I am complete as I am
-It’s normal to feel this way
And my personal favorite is a quote from John Lennon, “Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay; it's not the end.”
Do you have a favorite phrase you like to tell yourself when you’re presented with a struggle?
I am Whole and Perfect the Way I am Mantras and affirmations are two forms of self-talk that are used specifically to cultivate self-care. Much like the positive self-talk I mentioned before, their main purpose is to “rewire” your brain for a more confident and optimistic outlook. The main difference is these are exclusively performed out loud. While they have a similar goal, mantras and affirmations are, too, different from one another.
Mantras are either words or sounds, in any language, that invoke a deeper focus, meditative state, or a calming emotion. Many of you may be familiar with the “Om” mantra often practiced within the yoga community. The sound ‘Om’ vibrates at the frequency of 432 Hz, which happens to be the same vibrational frequency found throughout everything in nature. This is why it is considered a sacred sound.
On the other hand, affirmations were developed by neuroscientists in the 1970’s with the goal of redirecting thought patterns. These tend to be in complete sentences addressing something specific. These are also performed out loud.
Try saying some of these every morning, maybe even when looking at yourself in the mirror. (It is okay if it feels uncomfortable at first. That is the hallmark of the beginning of change!)
-I love who I have become -I let go of negative thoughts and feelings about myself -I am always growing and developing -My opinions resonate with who I am -I am whole and perfect the way I am
Both mantras and positive affirmations can: -Help with problem-solving -Create inner clarity -Increase positive emotions -Increase the likelihood of personal success -And of course, increase confidence!
The Power of Habit Habits can either propel you in the direction to your goals or steer you off the path from them. Either way, they have a powerful contribution to the outcome. There are even books written about it!
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg, specifically, is a fantastic read on how our everyday habits affect the way we see ourselves and our likeliness of achieving our goals. He delves into defining a keystone habit as powerful tools to uncovering your true potential. They are made successful by lending our focus to one centralized goal and seeing other routines fall appropriately around them. For example, if you are determined to develop a daily exercise routine, it is likely that you will notice yourself choosing to eat healthier, wake up earlier, and utilize your time more efficiently.
Whatever your desired keystone habit may be, the idea is that working towards it will create a ripple effect in changing other routines in your life. Duhigg says, “If you believe you can change if you make it a habit, the change becomes real. This is the real power of habit.”
What is a habit you are looking to implement?
Go for the Goal All successful people have one unifying characteristic. They set goals for themselves! Naturally, we are inclined to do what has always worked for us. Therefore, when we set goals and succeed, we are more likely to continue that habit. This is also a huge personal development exercise. Just like anything else you want to get good at, practice is everything! Practicing setting goals for yourself and working towards them helps you recognize your potential and thus strengthening your confidence in yourself.
A few tips to be sure you get the most out of goal-setting include: -Take small steps -Create a timeline -Give yourself credit along the way -Accept that failure is NOT a reason to give up
Become Your Own Best Friend In our ever-connected world, solitude has become a dying art. We always have some way to get in contact with others. That isn’t a bad thing, but it most certainly can take away from your relationships with ourselves. A few of the benefits of being your own best friend include: -Cultivation of self-awareness -Ability to support and comfort yourself -Increase acceptance of yourself, rather than punishment -The realization that you are fundamentally worthy
Think of how you would treat your best friend. Isn’t that how you deserve to be treated, too?
Spending time alone doing things that make you happy is a great practice to add to your life. Whether it is reading a good book or strolling in nature, the possibilities for entertainment alone are endless and beneficial.
Meditate to Confidence Stress is unavoidable, but managing it is one of the most important ways of respecting yourself. Meditation can do just that.
Meditation works by directing your body’s attention to the parasympathetic nervous system, or better known as the home to the “relaxation response.” It triggers feelings of calmness and well-being, all the while contributing to clarity against the limiting beliefs we may have about ourselves.
Meditation can be used as an incredible tool for confidence building in several ways. It helps you confront the negative beliefs you have created about yourself, invites the opportunity to spend quality time with yourself, and can become a beneficial habit added into your day.
An interesting study on the topic can be found here: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4310269/
Meditation can be self-guided using a mantra or affirmation or led by an instructor or an online resource. Try out whatever is accessible to you!
Write it Out Journaling is not only for creative purposes but for emotional health as well. Keep a journal around for times that you are feeling truly stuck on something bringing you down or even when you accomplish something you want to celebrate. Both situations can equally serve the purpose of boosting your self-confidence. Writing out negative experiencing is a tactical way of getting them out of your head and toward a more constructive solution.
Maintaining a gratitude or awesomeness journal puts you in the position of recognizing all the good about yourself and life on a day-to-day basis.
Whether it is written in a physical notebook, on an online platform, or typed on the notes section of your phone, you can start at any time!
Up next, I will be sharing some practical journal prompts to get you started.
Express Yourself As promised, here are some fun journal prompts to help boost self-confidence, practice self-love, and begin your writing journey.
-What are you grateful for? -What do you want to feel tomorrow? -How did you surprise yourself this week? -What are you really good at? -How would your best friend describe you? -What makes you unique? -Who appreciates you? -What will you accomplish in the next 5 years? -What is the best compliment you ever received? -What emotions do you associate with confidence?
-Write a letter to your body thanking it for all it does for you.
Dear Future Me Love Present Me While we’re on the subject of journaling, an effective way to really check in with yourself AND to establish some motivation to reach your goals is to write a letter to your future self.
This can be a very insightful experience. It puts you in the “now” and represents the things you want to be sure you remember. Imagine writing a letter addressed to yourself for you to read 5 years from now. What would you say? What kind of questions would you like to ask? What goals would you want to have achieved? As you to write your letter, you will begin to think of the actions you could take now to ensure that letter is relevant in the future.
Write it up with pen and paper, seal it in an envelope, and keep it in a safe space.
Alternatively, you can use a site like https://www.futureme.org, where you can choose when the letter is sent to your email. Give this a try.
Seeing is Believing A visual interpretation of your goals, values, and passions is a great addition to your living space. A vision board, in particular, can be used to motivate you, cultivate gratitude, and express your creativity!
Here’s how:
Define your intentions: What do you want? How do you want to be feeling? What is it that you feel you need?
Gather your supplies of choice: You could use a poster board or even just a blank sheet of paper. Find images that resonate with your intentions from the internet, magazines, or any other resource you find useful.
Create!: Make sure to create a mix of words and images that fit the qualifying theme of your vision. Place them in a way that makes you feel good and glue away!
Place in an area of your home that you will be able to see it regularly
Everyone’s will look COMPLETELY different, and that’s the point!
Maybe you want to cultivate a sense of joy. You’ll want to include images and words that make you feel joyful. Or maybe it is security. If that’s the case, you will want to collect things that make you feel safe. Whatever your goal may be, keep in mind you are making this for YOU!
Do you have any experience creating vision boards?
Slide 16 Surround Yourself with People Who Push You to be the Best. A strong support system is an important tool to have when life gets a bit heavy. As mentioned before, building your self-confidence is a work in progress and truly not a linear experience.
Some days you will feel better than others. Some days you will be able to find solace alone and others you will be longing for external support. ALL of that is okay!
There is NO substitute for having people you can trust and rely on making you feel GOOD. Turn to family and friends when you need to talk rather than getting caught in the dread negative self-talk loop I talked about earlier. They can lift your spirits and help you recognize the faulty beliefs you are manifesting about yourself in trying times.
Stand in Your Power So far I discussed how to cultivate greatness for ourselves with how we think, reach for our goals, and who we surround ourselves with. But there’s more!
The way we present ourselves is not only indicators of our confidence but also a way to strengthen it! We have all heard: when you look good, you feel good. But have you heard of power poses?
Power poses are simply the body language we embody when interacting with people that emulates AND creates confidence.
Take a look at this video to learn more and see some examples:
Don’t Forget to Love Yourself This is, by far, the most important part of the process. Some days you will feel more confident in others, but it is a HUGE feat to love yourself despite it all.
YOU ARE PERFECT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! Even when you aren’t feeling like it, you deserved to be loved, and you sure should remind yourself that regularly. Everyone has different ways of expressing their love for themselves. Here are a few great ideas that I advocate for: -Take a nice long bath -Go for a walk outside -Cuddle up in bed late one morning -Make plans with an old friend -Unplug for a weekend
-Visit your favorite coffee shop -Plan an adventure These are only a fraction of the many things you can do to show yourself that you are loved. What ways do you show yourself that you love yourself?
Quote Alert Here are a few of my favorite quotes! Pick your favorite and post it somewhere to go back to when you need a reminder:
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha
“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain
“Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?”– Brigham Young
“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes
“You have been criticizing yourself for years, and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”– Louise L. Hay
“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Thank You I love sharing this topic with people who are eager to take control of their lives and achieve greatness! Also, don’t forget to thank yourself for loving yourself enough to take some time for YOU! If you have any further questions, please post them below and/or email me at susan@susanlopresti.com
I am always here to support you!!!
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